share some thoughts

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Book Fair anyone?

Oh I was so looking forward to the book fair this year! Actually I look forward to it every year. Was supposed to go today, but instead here I am sitting at home at the computer. I was supposed to go with my sister in law, but she told me last night that she can not make it, and it was too short a notice to find someone else to go with me. Maybe I can go tomorrow?

A friend of mine since I was 15 called me this morning, and telling her about the book fair she says: oh my , you still go? remember when we used to go?

Apparently she had lost interest in it. even then, she still remembers the one book she had bought 12 years ago when we went together. We were supposed to meet a friend, and did not find him. found another friend by chance instead and spent the day with him/them.. don't remember exactly. she remembers quite well though. Good memory :).

Nana is my usual bookfair partner. last week i sent her an email (she is in Canada now) telling her this is the first year in quite a while that we don't go together. She replied that that mail made her cry. I guess the bookfair is emotional stuff isn't it? hehe. no really, she cried because it just emphasised all the things that we miss about being around each other. She is supposed to come late March or so. I do miss her.

So back to the bookfair thing...want to go before the soccer thing gets the streets all crowded. Also to get the best picks in azbakeyya. For anyone who does not know this, if you go to the book fair, the azbakeyya has a very big section there. very good. and you can get very good deals too. After the prices of books have gone up so much, used books is almost the only way to go if you buy as many books as I do.

Happy belated eid adha wished by the way!

Friday, January 06, 2006

The dying room

It still shocks me sometimes the amount of cruelty in this world. The heartlessness that you can not fathom. and when children are the victims, it just becomes a whole lot worse.

This is what happens:

In China, being over populated as it is, has been actively enforcing the one child rule since 1979. this in an effort to reduce the population, or at least limit its unchecked growth. Yes, everyone undestands the dire consequences of over population. But I do not think anyone explained this to the little victims in this story.

Having only one chance for a child, means for a lot that they have only one chance to get a son. So, millions of baby girls have been abandoned in the street, or killed at birth. yes, KILLED before they draw their first breath, because they are simply girls. And i guess that for some means useless and unimportant.

more detailed story would be found here. It is an old story, but I just heard these terrible details yesterday.

These girls who are not killed, and abandoned, sometimes face a fate that is worse than being killed at birth. Orphanages are just full of tiny little girls that have been left in the street to die. And unfortunately this does not change much when they get to the orphanage.

A camera crew (undercover of course) discovered in one orphanage, a room. this room had in it one tiny little girl of 2 years old, left to die. Hence; the dying room.
She had been left for 10 days, unattended, unfed, uncared for in any way. I saw her picture when discovered, and it was heartbreaking, and it just makes you so angry. Every morning they would send in a child to check if she is dead yet or not. !!!!

she died 4 days afer discovery.

What a cruel painful way to kill someone. more so for a helpless child. Just because she is a girl.

Why is it so inherent in humans from the beginning of history this look at women?

why have they always been looked upon as slaves? lesser in status and value than a man?

Does this come from the jungle rule? survival of the fittest? so The stronger man always feels he is superior? And how come it still applies today in some places? in this time, where so many things could now be easily and equally done by both a man and a woman?

It has only been recently that women are starting to be recognized as equals. And yet, the inherent mind set in alot of people is more difficult to change than laws that impose this equality. And why have women over the centuries been so submissive to this? Did they feel that they were being treated so unfairly? Have they all succumbed to the " this is the way it has always been" excuse?
How could the mothers of these girls agree to have their daughters killed just because they are girls?

This topic makes me so angry. In some situations , this prejudice against girls or women, would manifest it self mildly, as in unfair distribution of house chores for example. But here,.... it leads to numerous murders! human lives.

God has decreed that he who kills a single innocent human life, is as if he has killed the entire humanity. In arabia, during jaheleyya, Wa2d el banat (killing daughers at birth by burying them alive) was very normal.
And then Islam put a stop to all this. I remember the aya talking about judgement day, when the little killed girl would be asked for what fault was she killed?

It scares me what the human nature is capable of.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Dr. Meanie

Even though I really enjoy teaching, every now and then… it just stops me in my tracks. I guess I have to see it coming, nothing is perfect and everything has its down sides. Ah well, just hope it does not change me too much. And Al ahmdulillah for all the good it does for me. I have to be grateful to God for it, really.

I was just talking to Me a little while ago, and she said she wants to talk about teaching as well. Don't know yet what her topic is exactly, but I do enjoy her comradeship. And would like her input on this. Actually I think several bloggers I know are teachers. Irina for one. Mmm.. who else?

Well my dilemma again…. I feel that I am becoming mean. Really. And I hate it. I do not like being mean to anyone. And I just hate it when one of the girls I teach gives me this look.. as if she hates me. But what can I do?

Sometimes I just have to be mean or firm… or else they just abuse you and literally suck you dry. You start out trying to be nice and understanding, accommodating. The kids today are suffering enough as it is… then sometimes they just get on your nerves and you turn into "Dr. Meanie".

An example:

I teach this section where half of the girls of the second year attend. And every week I find more than half of the other section attending too! It is because they prefer the time this section is taught, in opposition to the other section, which ends at 5 pm. I understand this feeling, but it is too much really. I get an increase of workload by 50%! This is not a section where I just lecture, it is a practical session, where I supervise the work of every girl. So it does make a difference. And the lab becomes so crowded and noisy. Last time, I told them that every person should attend in their own times. So today, faced with the same situation again.. I just sent them out. Even after they literally were begging me to stay. And I said no. I felt really mean. I felt it was for the sake of discipline more than the logistics.

Sorry for the boring details, but it made me feel really bad about myself.
After that, giving them a lecture, I noticed a girl in the second row chatting with her friend. To this girl I simply said: if you want to talk to your friend, then you do not have to attend the lecture. Meanie again. :(

Then I just said to myself: what the hell are you turning into? You are becoming so mean! Why don't you just taneshy! Eh el moshkela. Why have I become one of those teachers that are too strict, ghelsa ya3ny?

This also made me feel like a hypocrite big time.

Remembering my own days in college... I was way worse than them. These girls are angels in comparison to me and my friends. I never talked much in the lectures,...because I simply did not attend most of them! I preferred sitting in the sun with my friends. I also remember the way we used to regard the teachers that were just like I am now... we used to look at them as up tight. And really really not fun people at all.

I never followed all these proper ethics of learning when I was in their place… so what gives me the right to judge them or be strict. Does that make me a hypocrite? I know now that my attitude in college was wrong and disrespectful at best….but that can't mean I can just encourage the same.. just cause I used to do it.

I remember when I used to watch over them when they were in exams…. One girl politely asked me if she can ask her friend about something in the answer of one question. (cheat...but in a nice way I guess). This was not only refused by me… I was genuinely flabbergasted at the request. I felt it was unbelievable what she was asking. Cheat! What! Is she crazy!!!!

Retelling this to a friend of mine later… it was her turn to be shocked, but for other reasons. She was shocked that I denied the girl. " what ? I can not believe you said no to her!" you are one of those really ghelseen teachers walla eh?
You forgot how we used to be ? why are you acting so shocked!!!?

The strange thing was… I was not pretending to be shocked at the cheat request. It was genuine. I guess our view of things change when we are at the opposite end of the situation. And I do think cheating is wrong. And I would not do it now (I hope) if put in the situation. I guess I changed since then. But I guess I have to remember how it was then… to try to understand their point too. Not be so judgmental at least.

Mish 3arfa ba2a. just did not like the feeling of meanness that I imposed today upon myself. Did not like the hypocrisy feeling either. But otherwise they would eat me alive!

Sunday, January 01, 2006


Some days are just more difficult than others. And then some days are easier than others too.

Some days are more fruitful than others. Not any day is like the other. But All are days of our lives. excuse the cliche.

Today was the first day of a new year, and besara7a, i have so much to be thankful to God for, al hamdulillah. Also it is the first day of the 10 first days of al hijja. lets make the most of them!

When a day passes, that is not so good, I say al hamdulillah, it is over, may tomorow bring better fortune ISA.

when a day is particularly good, I would like to remember it, to get me through the other days.

I did not make any new year resolutions this year, but maybe one of them is starting a diary again. I found out that the blog is tough for me to pour my heart out. Once in a while maybe. Hey, but it is great to talk to all my friends! The best thing i got out of this blog is meeting some very nice people in this world.

Note to all: Enjoy the new year, and relax.