share some thoughts

Monday, September 29, 2008

I miss you guys.... so much

God I miss them... never thought I would miss them so much. Actually, come to think of it, I probably never thought of it, I always took it for granted that they would be around.... stupid stupid me. So I never really got around to wonder how much I would miss them when they are not around for God knows how long

All I can feel is that I miss them. So much. I just keep saying it. that i miss them, because bottling it up does not feel good. I even miss the things that used to bother me so much. I miss Hana waking me up at 6 am when i had just gone to sleep, so that I can get her the disney channel. I miss Ibrahim's kicking me in bed when he has a bad dream. (I used to sometimes carry him after he falls asleep and put him on the couch... why would I do that)? I miss them calling me all times of the day, whether i am at work or not, asking for attention and just talking. lately, right before they left, I had gotten busy, so I almost never went over as often as before. And God bless them , they always used to ask to come and spend the night with me.

I miss making them french toast in the morning. and solving the I spy riddle book with Ibrahim before he went to bed. and playing Age of Empires with him. All the saved games are called : Ibrahim and Doody. :( I love you little partner Buddy

I miss wathcing according to Jim with hana, and trying to gloss over the adult talk they say, when she asks me what they mean. I miss fighting with her to brush her hair. I miss hugging Ibrahim. I really miss his hugs. that little boy has such a tender loving hug.

It is not normal to be this attached to your niece and nephew right? it is just that.... I don't know.... they spent so much time with me... and Ibrahim has slept in my bed so many times, and Hana was born on my birthday.... and we share that. we always do something, me and her on our birthday. we sometimes go out... me and her... the birtday girls. and i always get to have cake on my birthday, as there is always cake for her,..... now who am i gonna share my birthday with? will it only be my birthday now... like other people? like it was before she was born. I know is sounds childish... but i do not wanna go back. I liked sharing my birthday with me niece. we would call each other and telll each othr happy birthday. this year she will be six on her/my/our Birthday. Oh, God now I am crying. I just miss them. It is not like writing about it will make them come home will it?

So I miss them. And I hope and pray that I can see them soon. the other day... I was telling Ibrahim that i missed him... and he gave me a simple: you can come. and you can sleep in my bed. and my uncle can find you a job here in the states. and maybe you can get a house here too.

I told him that I have a lot of commitments here... I can't live there,,, so he suggests that i rent a house instead of buying one. That boy is... smart? they say absence makes the heart grow fonder right? well, if it gets any fonder than this.... It just might explode. And now all they speak is English. I try to talk to them in arabic on the phone... but they just respond in english. I guess part of them wants to adapt to society, where everyone speaks English. But, it just makes them so different. not the Ibrahim and Hana that i know. they use new phrases now. new expressions. they haven't been there for 4 months even. But in the life of a small child that is a lot of change. I feel like i am missing out on that.

Guys I miss you. I know you do not read my blog.... but I had to say it somewhere, and if i keep saying it to you.... you might feel suffocated. kids don't like overwhelming drama. so i spare you. and play it cool when i talk to you, and just ask how school was and such. But guys.... I really really love you..... and I really really miss you.