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Monday, August 27, 2007

Cutting ties

Sometimes you want to break free from something that you feel is tying you down. but, easier said than done. of course you can cut any physical ties more easily than your emotional ones, but even those can be trying. because more often than not, they are intermingled, a physical tie, that can have an emotional weight.

just today, i finally got to throw away som old photos i had. don't know why it had been so hard. it felt wierd to do it. it is not like i had them on display or even thought about them, they were tucked away in a box in my closet, i just thought that maybe if i get rid of any physical thing that links me to the past... I would actually be able to put it behind me totally. do not know if it would do that for me, but i am glad i was able to throw the pictures away. a year ago i would have hesitated and hesitated. the thing is, this past, for its bad or good, is still part of me. can't just pick a big chunk of your life and throw it away as if it never was. i can not pretent it did not exist, all i can do is deal with it, try to accept it, and know that closure will come when it comes ISA.
I kind of feel like I did most of what I can do by myself, My hope is in Allah to heal this thing for good, becuase the best I can do, is just cover it up. tonight is the eve of mid shaaban, i would like to pray a bit today... I hope that God would forgive me and have mercy on me... and forgive any ill feelings that I might have in my heart. I would love to be as pure as I once was... want to be free again. I do not regret all, for my experiences have taught me some beautiful things in my relationship with Allah, and those I cherish always. alhamdulillah rabb al3alameen.

1 Comments:

  • At 10/20/2007 6:35 PM, Blogger gjoe said…

    Cutting ties to the past..hmm, I never went through such an experience myself. But I feel from your post that you are dealing with it with an impressive degree of maturity.No regrets.
    I hope the future is brighter :)

     

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