share some thoughts

Saturday, April 29, 2006


When someone has done something wrong, or been lead astray, is it really so hard to start over? Theoretically, the answer is no, if you really repent, and feel bad for what you have done, then you can always start anew, and choose to follow the right path. Al ta2eb min al zanb Kaman la zanb lah, mish kida? (means like: someone who repents, is like someone with no sin). That is the theory. But unfortunately that is not the truth. Prison is supposed to be a rehabilitation facility, right? To make the prisoners better people when they come out? Right? Wrong!

What happens is, that people do not forgive, and do not forget. And forever they would deal with someone who had done something wrong like a leper, not accepting them into the society, shunning them with shame all their lives. And for someone who wants to repent, it becomes so much harder. They want to live normally within the society, be honest, and then the society does not give them a chance. And they are then filled with bitterness and agony, which can lead them back to worse than before.

Lets take this example… a woman who had gone astray in the past…lets say even was a prostitute one day…. She does not want to do this anymore. She believes it is wrong and quits. She moves to another place and repents. She has needs, she wants to marry an honest man and live honestly the rest of her life. What happens is that no one wants to marry her. They look at her as if she is forever dirty, and thus forcing her to live in the same dirt she is eager to get out of. She would lie about her past naturally, and not say what she had done. People would dig it up, and scandalize her, and on top call her a liar to conceal her past. So what would someone like that do? She is unable to live normally, and she does not want to go back. And she would think… are these the people that I respect so much and want to live among? These merciless judgmental people? To the hell with them she would say… and she would go back to her old ways…."tried repenting, did not work" she would say. Thank you God for your mercy… He accepts repentance and erases the sins like they never were… and forgives…. And tells us…. If we do something wrong and repent…. Then we should not go and tell people about it. This is not a lie then, this is satr (cover that God has given us permission to use.. for He knows the nature of people… and how unforgiving they can be).

Another example…if you are a thief… you steal for a while…then want to quit….maybe even go to jail for a while… come out and want a new start.. an honest start. Surprise…. you have no job… no one wants to hire you. No one wants to even help you. You have kids who will starve…your innocent kids themselves will be shunned for their father's sins. You hate the society that does not ever forgive you… so you decide… if forever you treat me like a thief… maybe then I will be one again.

Why are we so unable to forgive… why is it so hard to give someone a break. Ok, be cautious with someone with a past… but give them a break if you can… help them… take a part in their repentance by encouraging them to be good. Show kindness and marvels can happen. The ones who really want to repent will be able to… the ones who do not… well at least you have done your part.

The ones who most are able to forgive and understand… are the ones who one day made a mistake themselves…they understand. They can feel for the sinners…. Indeed we all are sinners to some degree….maybe have not done what they have done...because we were lucky enough to never be put in the path that led them there… maybe we would have done the same in their place, who knows? Or maybe we were just not exposed. And God is the most forgiving and merciful. Al hamdulillah rabb al 3alamein.


  • At 4/29/2006 12:18 PM, Blogger roora said…

    you know what doshar , people should not scandalize people or search on their history to scandalize them ! I wish if this would stop in society.

    Islam encourages people to cover their sins especially when they repent. And even those who didn't repent, they should not go and expose themselves to the society and saying that they made a taboo before. Saying that they did this making it sound like a tradition in the society and people starts to feel that it is a normal behavior.

    I feel by God's mercy in covering most of our faults from why we expose ourselves and why others try to expose others?

    But in this particular case , regarding the marriage , it is hard to accept the idea that a man marries a prostritute one day (even if she looked like repenting) because :
    1- he will be always worried that she may misconduct again
    2- his reputation

    Maybe if he/she can just move to a place where he/she knows any body at all. God is most meciful will help in that ISA.

  • At 5/01/2006 5:43 PM, Blogger Darius said…

    Here in the US the prison system does anything but encourage repentance or rehabilitation, to use the term employed secularly. The system is basically designed to punish rather than enlighten.

    It may be that punishment helps instill a conscience in young children to a limited degree. But when you punish adults, it generally just seems to make them want to strike back.

  • At 5/03/2006 8:52 AM, Blogger Alina said…

    They say people forgive, but never forget. Yes, that is correct some times. Other times, as a society, we pretend to forgive, yet we do neither of both and we throw everything back to the respective individual, over and over again...If we do that, why have imprisonment at all, if after you have spent your time without freedom, you still pay for what you have done?
    As for rehabilitating people...we don't know the first thing about it, sometimes. I guess prisons should be full of psichologists and teachers of all kinds, so that if they have to do something, learning or understanding themselves would be better than just hanging around in the cells.

  • At 5/03/2006 2:31 PM, Blogger Dalulla said…

    Doshar this is absolutely true.. Society is merciless, but Allah is. The problem is the level of Iman or knowledge of the person in proces of repenting. It all makes a difference i think in the level of insisting and not going back. I do know for fact that it can be very difficult even when you have enough knowledge of the abundance of Allah's mercy and his reward for patience and holding on to the right path..

    I do really fee so sorry for the people who have hearts of stone, those who do not give or allow sinners or wrong doers to repent. One must at least give them a chance.

    I used to have a maid before i got married, and she was always telling me that her husband is having trouble finding work or that he did and that he is terribly underpaid. She also mentioned his brothers were drug dealers and were always tempting him to work with them but that he is always resistant to the idea.. she was with me till i got married. She was an honest and straight person all along. then one friend of mine accused her of stealing which i found impossible to believe since i always used to leave lots of money around the house and gold and she never took anything. when ever she needed anything she would politely ask.

    In all cases after that incident the poor woman had a complex in her mind. she went though alot after that accusation but I stood up for her. Then one day I was looking for one of my husband's watches, she thought i would accuse her and never came back. I could not blame her though, I felt for her and by the way the watch was found.

    I never suspected her, but the poor thing after what she went through from this person who accused her and made her go through lots of trouble at the police station over nothing, she left. A couple of years she came back asking about how we were doing. She had a suprise for me.. She told me that her husband gave in to his brothers and gave up on poverty and worked with them. He ended up in JAIL for seven years. Knowing her, and knowing that she is really in need and that she needs to support herself and her only son, I let her come back to work again. She is still the same person i knew. Still honest and straight. Most Egyptians would never let her work because of what her husband did, which is even worse than what you were talking about ya doshar. Society does not only hold a person accountable for their own deeds or doings, but sometimes holds them guilty because of what a close kin may have committed!!!!

    Allah yehdy.. People must learn from the creator... Forgivness and giving chances, at least as much as we can afford as our human capacity will allow. But we should not hold back totally.. It is unfair.

  • At 5/05/2006 3:23 AM, Blogger Safiya said…

    People seem to focus more on Allah's punishment then His mercy, especially when talking about the sins of other people.

  • At 5/05/2006 9:03 PM, Blogger Me said…

    You're right ya Doshar... if Allah with all his Splendour and Might forgives...can't we ?!

    "And those who, having done something to be ashamed of, or wronged their own souls, earnestly bring Allah to mind, and ask for forgiveness for their sins; and who can forgive sins except Allah? And are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done.

    For such the reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath; an eternal dwelling: how excellent a recompense for those who work (and strive)!" (Al-Imran:135,136)

    Allahoma ighfer lil mo2meneen walmo2menaat

  • At 5/14/2006 10:28 PM, Blogger Wonderer said…

    where are you ya dodo,
    long time no see,
    why don't you blog,


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