apology

Was playing a game today, and in between levels, they give me this tip of the day thing. Usually i just disregard those, or sometimes they can make me smile. today one stopped me, because it struck me as true. And I have done it to others, and it has been done to me. And I thought, maybe I should work on this thing. A lot of the people I know would like me better.. :)

It goes something like this:

"Don't screw up an apology by giving excuses for yourself"


sometimes the reason or excuse for which you do something does of course make the deed more forgivable, but if there is no real excuse, then trying to give explainations is more for your benifit rather than the other person's. It is for your own self esteem, to feel that you are not so bad. Sometimes it is impotant to ackowledge that we are not angels, and that we can sometimes make mistakes, pure and simple. Then, maybe we can avoid making the same mistake again and again. And If you do apologize, mean it. Don't just say it to get it over with.

Sometimes i get an apology for someting, and the same thing gets repeated over and over, and then my question is: were you really sorry? did you even listen to me when i told you i was upset?

I remember once, there was this incident with someone, where I got really upset. And I could not let it go. The reaction of the other person was as follows:

first reaction was: Ignore it, it will pass.
Second reaction (when a day passed and i was still upset): anger, it is not your place to be upset!
third reaction: (when another day has passed and i am still upset: "I Don't understand why you are so upset"

Fourth reaction:

after a third day of being upset, and a verbal storm on my side, letting all of my anger out, and in a lot of aggressive words too.: "Ok, i am sorry. See how understanding i am. I am taking all of your shouting, because i know you have the right to be upset. I will make it up to you. How about I take you out to lunch to your favorite place?" after which: Are you ok now? Of course i was, and the episode ended there.

Some time later; for some reason it came up, and quite coolly and simply, I got this:
Of course i did not feel you were entitled to be upset. i don't think I was wrong, but i just wanted to get it over with, so we can have a good time!

And just like that, the apology was as good as taken back. and the lunch was wasted. because the point is... if something upset me so much, then acknowledge that you might be wrong, and don't take me 3ala add 3akly we khalas!

And if you do that one day, for the sake of keeping the peace, don't insult me, by telling me so later. What upset me was, this was one of the rare times that I got an apology from that person. And that was why I liked it, and for it , let the issue go. But if you just use it we khalas, and don;t mean it, then words are cheap, which is something I just read on Loulou's post on forgiveness. But not all words are cheap...An Honest person's word is worth the world... a dishonest person's word is not worth the breath with which it was said.