clean up

Every now and then , the clutter in my room threatens to drive me mad, and then I go on a mission: get rid of some junk!

Problem is, it is difficult for me to throw things away. Each and every thing somehow has a memory attached to it. It is difficult for me to let go. I am somehow a clingy type of person. I cling. And things just clutter and cumulate around me, till I run out of places to put anything I really need. When I do my occasional clean ups, I end up with piles of junk, esp. pieces of paper here and there, that I just do not want to throw away. And I am usually too tired by the end of the clean up to find a place for each and every one. So I end up putting them in boxes. Usually old show boxes do the trick. But time after time, this is repeated, and then I have about dozen boxes sitting around , under my desk, next to my stereo, in my closet and anywhere else that I can stash them. Today I thought I have to clear some. Some stuff really has to go.

Every time I do this, I throw away a lot of things that I really have no idea why I kept in the first place, but I also come across too many memories. A little paper, a ticket stub, a picture, things that carry within them a key to a memory that you have long since forgotten. These, I usually keep around. Depends on the strength of the memory. Here was a small list of some of the stuff I found today:

• The boarding passes to the plane when I went to Turkey a couple of years ago with rim. Why do I still have those? Those I threw away today. I have photos al hamdulillah to keep that memory.

• A letter I had written to A in the year 2002. I read that, and remembered how it had been. Not so great. Why do I have trouble throwing things related to him till this day? The memories are precious while the person no longer is. How come? It was an important part of my life, can't just throw it away. My part of it was genuine and worthwhile. It is not easy to just disregard as if never happened. Maybe real closure never really happened for me yet. The things just simply carry too much of my heart in them. And I still did not throw it away.

• I found this piece of paper, computer print, with a poem written to me on my birthday. It was a very nice piece of poetry, it was signed Hisham Gamal, and dated 5th of March 1997. Seems this person was really nice to me. Now the question is: who in the world was this Hisham Gamal? And why did I keep his piece of paper? I have no idea. Maybe I can check my diary for that time. Phew… whoever he is, his data seem to have been totally wiped out of my brain. Did not throw that away. Not till I remember who he is.

• I found my original Birth certificate! A yellowed battered piece of paper, in an old puzzle box! I have been looking for that! What was it doing there? Note to self: have important papers in that puzzle box. Also several copies of my graduation certificates! Did not throw that away.


• Tons and tons of mobile bills. That company really took a lot of my money. Threw those away.

• A blood test I took a few years ago for hepatitis. After I got hurt once, my mom freaked out because of my line of work, and decided I should test my self. I did though I hate needles. Negative al hamdulillah. That was in the year 1999. should check every year but I can't really. Can't take needles, esp. the ones that draw blood.

Haven't finished my junk cleansing yet. Do not know if I can find a hidden treasure here or there some place. But I really need to get to throw my things away. Or else rent some storage space somewhere 