share some thoughts

Friday, November 25, 2005

clean up

Every now and then , the clutter in my room threatens to drive me mad, and then I go on a mission: get rid of some junk!

Problem is, it is difficult for me to throw things away. Each and every thing somehow has a memory attached to it. It is difficult for me to let go. I am somehow a clingy type of person. I cling. And things just clutter and cumulate around me, till I run out of places to put anything I really need. When I do my occasional clean ups, I end up with piles of junk, esp. pieces of paper here and there, that I just do not want to throw away. And I am usually too tired by the end of the clean up to find a place for each and every one. So I end up putting them in boxes. Usually old show boxes do the trick. But time after time, this is repeated, and then I have about dozen boxes sitting around , under my desk, next to my stereo, in my closet and anywhere else that I can stash them. Today I thought I have to clear some. Some stuff really has to go.

Every time I do this, I throw away a lot of things that I really have no idea why I kept in the first place, but I also come across too many memories. A little paper, a ticket stub, a picture, things that carry within them a key to a memory that you have long since forgotten. These, I usually keep around. Depends on the strength of the memory. Here was a small list of some of the stuff I found today:

• The boarding passes to the plane when I went to Turkey a couple of years ago with rim. Why do I still have those? Those I threw away today. I have photos al hamdulillah to keep that memory.

• A letter I had written to A in the year 2002. I read that, and remembered how it had been. Not so great. Why do I have trouble throwing things related to him till this day? The memories are precious while the person no longer is. How come? It was an important part of my life, can't just throw it away. My part of it was genuine and worthwhile. It is not easy to just disregard as if never happened. Maybe real closure never really happened for me yet. The things just simply carry too much of my heart in them. And I still did not throw it away.

• I found this piece of paper, computer print, with a poem written to me on my birthday. It was a very nice piece of poetry, it was signed Hisham Gamal, and dated 5th of March 1997. Seems this person was really nice to me. Now the question is: who in the world was this Hisham Gamal? And why did I keep his piece of paper? I have no idea. Maybe I can check my diary for that time. Phew… whoever he is, his data seem to have been totally wiped out of my brain. Did not throw that away. Not till I remember who he is.

• I found my original Birth certificate! A yellowed battered piece of paper, in an old puzzle box! I have been looking for that! What was it doing there? Note to self: have important papers in that puzzle box. Also several copies of my graduation certificates! Did not throw that away.

• Tons and tons of mobile bills. That company really took a lot of my money. Threw those away.

• A blood test I took a few years ago for hepatitis. After I got hurt once, my mom freaked out because of my line of work, and decided I should test my self. I did though I hate needles. Negative al hamdulillah. That was in the year 1999. should check every year but I can't really. Can't take needles, esp. the ones that draw blood.

Haven't finished my junk cleansing yet. Do not know if I can find a hidden treasure here or there some place. But I really need to get to throw my things away. Or else rent some storage space somewhere 


  • At 11/25/2005 12:48 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    I still have lots of junk at my mom's place that really need some deep cleaning and lots of throwing. But I am still postponing it!

  • At 11/25/2005 8:48 PM, Blogger Wonderer said…

    I am a clingy person too. However, sometimes I try to go by the rule that says "if you don't use it for more than 6 month, you will never use it":)

    I can get rid of clothes easily, cause I consider it (sadaqa). But pieces of paper is my problem:)

    I still have some stupid tiny herb-bottles, cause these are the first ones I had in my kitchen after getting married.:)

  • At 11/26/2005 12:03 AM, Blogger doshar said…

    kayla; becareful, next time you visit home, you might find your mom has cleared some of it for you. my mom did so a few times!

    wonderer: exactly, the stuff that can be given away are easier. throwing something that once meant something to you in the trash.. that is something else.

    the herb bottles, yeah i guess they remind you of that time in the beginning of your marriage. they were there with you then, they shared those days with you.

    btw, i totally believe that objects can feel to some degree, i remember the story of the tree trunk that started to ache when the prophet PBUH stopped leaning on it, and leaned on a minbar instead. all the sa7aba heard it.

  • At 11/26/2005 1:01 AM, Blogger irina said…

    right! I hate when my mom throws away stuff without even asking! That's why I don't let too many things at home... I guess girls are more clingy than boys but guess what, I once met a 90 year old man who collected ANYTHING from glasses to lipsticks, from newspapers to plastic bags... Boy he needed some clearing!

  • At 11/26/2005 8:00 PM, Blogger Rain said…

    Me too...I'm very clingy..but I broke that rule , I like to keep things clean and tidy and don't hesitate to throw things if they'll only take place of the new things .

    That's correct too when it comes for memories... I try to free some space of my memory in order to make it available for new memories.

  • At 11/28/2005 2:51 AM, Blogger Dalulla said…

    did u find any of our letters when we were kids? hehee

  • At 11/28/2005 2:53 AM, Blogger Jane said…

    Although I tend to let clutter build up eventually it gets to me and I have to clean it out. All of the mess makes my life feel too chaotic. What I cannot force myself to part with I at least try to organize into something managable. Good luck.

  • At 11/28/2005 10:01 PM, Blogger doshar said…

    irina, hi , been a while since you have been here. nice to see you :)

    rain: the trick with clearing your memory, how do you do it?

    dalulla, your letters are safe and sound in a special emory box, not in the junk box!

    jane, thanx, yeah, it gets to me sometimes too, hence the clean up!

  • At 11/28/2005 11:55 PM, Blogger irina said…

    Doaa, even if I don't comment I come here pretty often... Only when you post about things very different from my background I like to read only... But I DO read...

  • At 11/29/2005 12:27 AM, Blogger LouLou said…


    About A you're right to preserve your memories. We only live once & life is too short to be erasing our experiences. Everything you went through in life contributed to what you are not so it's natural that it would be important to you regardless of who else is involved.

    About cleaning up it's just your room & it's optional. Am charged with the task of cleaning up & emptying out our whole house & I have no choice. The apartment has to be empty on time.:(

  • At 11/29/2005 11:11 PM, Blogger Rain said…

    Well Doshar, I try to leave the past behind...try not to remember sad events ..what's done is done..
    I know it's hard..but it needs trials.

  • At 11/30/2005 9:10 AM, Blogger Sarah said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  • At 11/30/2005 9:12 AM, Blogger Sarah said…

    Throwing things away are troublesome for a lot of people; I myself like to have pieces of memories to remind me of things. You find pieces of papers, napkins from restaurants, even papers with notes that are really hurtful. Sometimes we do need to remember a lot of things..

    Be well dear and keep on smiling..

  • At 11/30/2005 10:11 PM, Blogger Me said…

    Sometimes hard for me to "clean up" too...but I do throw away loads of things...
    moving my things from our house in Libya to our house here in Egypt has taught me that some things just HAVE to be thrown away... I threw away things that I never imagined I'd throw... but c'est la vie ya Dodo :-/

    PS. Hope you threw away that blood test!!

  • At 11/30/2005 10:43 PM, Blogger Charismatic Soul said…

    I did a smilar clean up a while ago, found letters that my cousins and I use to exchange when we were at scool ages ago, it brought memories that we were close at some point but not anymore, i got rid of them, i felt bad coz of that fact.

    Unlike wonderer, the hardest stuff for me to get rid of is my belongings, clothes, shoes, stuff like mom insists that i should do it regularly to give to the poor, which i do, but its not easy.

    I can never keep paper clips or any of those things, im not a very tidy girl, but i stopped that habit when i was i think 16 :D

  • At 12/01/2005 11:22 AM, Blogger doshar said…

    loulou and jane; thanx for your input , it helped :)

    me: yes we learn sometimes the hard way that things can be thrown away. loulou is going through that right now!

    c.s. :it is hard to get rid of clothes and stuff? well it helps to get new ones then when you have no space in your closet, you will let them go. :)


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