share some thoughts

Saturday, September 10, 2005

What are the options?

Sometimes I really need a way out, and there is nothing I can do. then one day, a door opens, an option is introduced, then I think about it a while, is this it?

A door opens yes, but sometimes it is not right for me. No. I feel I can not go through. This option doesn't get me out. takes me somewhere else maybe, but doesn't get me out. Then I grudgingly pass this door, afraid to go through, it doesn't feel right. I can't use this option.

then I sit and wait, waiting for another way out. Sometimes thoughts come back to haunt you. Was that the right door? The one you just let go by? Did I miss my chance? Was I wrong? then I say, well it didn't feel right, so I couldn't have gone through. It was not really an option after all. I just couldn't do it.

Another door looms ahead. Yes, this is it.. I feel hopeful. Then as it approaches, i get scared again. Is this the correct way out? It is risky, very risky. I know i sound like a hesitant person for someone who needs a way out.. but the way out should not feel this way. It should not feel like a logical decision. It should feel like something your soul longs to do. Will I let this door go by too?


And then I sit and think, is something wrong with me? Why am I unable to go through? Am i still clinging to that old place, which does not belong to me? I hope not. there is no door going there I think, and even if there is, don't want to go there any more.

But I so want the feeling I had there. But in a better place. A real place that is mine.. not fake.

As I sit and wait for my door, I realize that nothing is in my hands, I ask God to show me the way, send me a door, make it just right for me. And make me want to go through. all I can say is La 7awl wala kowwa illa billah.

10 Comments:

  • At 9/10/2005 11:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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  • At 9/11/2005 11:26 AM, Blogger Nerro said…

    Do: I wish I can go through the right door too...the thing is u never know if you should or shouldn't...and u realize the consequences later...

     
  • At 9/11/2005 2:01 PM, Blogger M said…

    that's partly what makes life exciting--not knowing what'll happen if we go this way or that, taking risks...

    i'd not want to live if all's smooth and predictable :-) as my kids often say, "bowwwwrring!"

     
  • At 9/11/2005 10:18 PM, Blogger irina said…

    Uncertainty can be a pain in the neck sometimes...But take courage, I always thought that even if you make a mistake, what counts is the heart and goal you had when you did it. God often turns things right if your intention was good...
    And sometimes mistakes can teach us good lessons and help us grow... Do not be afraid to live...

     
  • At 9/11/2005 10:18 PM, Blogger irina said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 9/11/2005 10:57 PM, Blogger Id it is said…

    Enjoyed your blog!
    Talking of options, here's a poem I read called 'Choices', and i think you might like it.

    Choices

    It was to be!
    That which goes around comes around.
    Now what?
    Give in or give up.
    Maybe easier to accept.

    The doors we opened
    on the road we chose
    were not ours for the asking.
    These doors unknown, on chosen paths
    opened to hearths that warmed
    sometimes to walls that chilled.

    Copyright ©2005 Sushama Raina

     
  • At 9/12/2005 1:56 AM, Blogger doshar said…

    I know risks are important, and Ido take them often, but as Irina said, it is important the state of heart and mind at the time. sometimes my heart does not feel right about it. that is what makes it difficult. esp. if the risk is too big...like for example deciding to get married, it is difficult to take that decision unless you have something that promises a certain chance of success... as in emotions, compatibility etc. if there is a deficiency in one it becomes quite dificult.

     
  • At 9/12/2005 4:09 AM, Blogger Twosret said…

    Doshar,

    In all cases what doesn't break me makes me stronger.

    Enjoy the ride :)

    T.

     
  • At 9/13/2005 11:02 PM, Blogger Me said…

    Say: "Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us: He is our protector": and on Allah let the Believers put their trust. Al-Tawba : 51 (YUSUFALI translation)

    Don't you worry...elmohem that you do elli 3aleki and the rest is up to God :-)

     
  • At 9/14/2005 4:05 AM, Blogger Dalulla said…

    It is not easy. I agree. You are seeking God's guidance. He will help u in His good time. But do not do something that u do not feel right about from the begining just for the sake of entering through the door. At least at moments of difficutly, you will feel at peace that you gave yourself time and did your best to make the right choice.

    Doshar, you are blessed with a beautiful heart young lady, your intentions are good.

    Forget that old place. It should not even come to your mind now. I do know how difficult it is, but do not let that affect your sense of judgmement as best as you can.

    Keep asking Allah for strength and wisdom of choice always. He will grant you comfort insha'Allah.

     

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