share some thoughts

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Virgin Heart

In the heart of every woman there is place for one special love. usually this is the first love, but not a rule. A love that one calls "the love of my life". A love that invades you completely, makes you live for it and by it. An all consuming feeling that you are complete only when with him. Before this love, your heart is practically a virgin. It is usually taken back by the intenisity of the feelings, and then gives in completely, with little space for anything else. You can sacrafice anything, go to great lengths, climb the highest mountain as they say.

Some women sadly never experience this. They may love someone and marry them yes, but not everybody tries this pure abstract form of love. And sadder yet, are the much more common cases, of women who do indeed experience it, then get their once virgin hearts broken, and then go through life looking for something similar, never to find it again. Their hearts are simply not virgin any more.

A lot of my friends have experienced this, then maried someone else in the end. Someone they love, and whom they could be happy with, but they all say the same thing: it is not the same.

Having known a much more powerful feeling, they would always feel that they were somehow deprived of something. And it is very difficult to experience the same emotions with someone else. They are truly blessed the ones who marry "their loves of their lives". Althought I know there are unhealthy sides of this all consuming love; rationale is usually thrown out the window and when heartache comes, it is a killer.

Just a request for all those out there, don't go playing with virgin hearts. I know this sounds like a cliche', but I am serious, it is not a game. You would be depriving them of their chance of being able to love again that way. And you could be a shadow in their life for the rest of their lives.


  • At 8/15/2005 3:57 AM, Blogger Dalulla said…

    This issue is very difficult to attain. I am with you totally about not playing with someone's hearts..

    But the heartache thing is sometimes inevitable and when it happens it sometimes never heals even after getting married may still be there or will pop unwillingly at certain moments.

    Sometimes for instance you fall head over heals for someone.. SO much to the extent u feel u cannot breathe without them. Then your partner all of a sudden feels u r just not compatible for them.. Not because u r bad or anything, but simply not what they wanted, not compatible, not enough chemistry, and u would start thinking to yourself, but i am doing everything in my power to make this person happy yet they are not. What then?

    I personally experienced this at some point in my life. I can tell u this, it happened 12 years ago and even as i write now, i feel it was like yesterday. I find it very difficult till now, to be in one place with that person. I manage to do ok, I am ok, but i always get this ache in my heart that hurts me even when i see a picture of him or his name brought up (seeing a picture or hearing his name is because he was related to me).

    I do not have problems seeing him though but the ache does happen. I myself do not understand it till now, what happens in my heart. I do not even know what to call it.

    I was even told he wanted to reopen the matter at some point but i refused, even though i was still in love and deeply too, but i just couldn't get myself to open up the relationship again, especially after he ended it and at the time i wasn't even given a reason why! I found out years later though.. I asked him. Maybe i needed closure, and what is strange, i didn't to an extent have the closure I was hoping for. Maybe because i was really head over heals about him.

    But at the same time, i went on with my life, even went through other experiences, but i do know, none were like this one, my first true sweet love. Point is, what i am trying to say, Life must go on, we cannot let ourselves be affected so negatively, we cannot avoid the hurt and pain sometimes, but we must avoid letting it stop us from going on with our lives and opening up to other chances, even if we know in our heart that none of the coming ones will be as beautiful and sweet as the first one. I barely think of him now, and I gradually am loosing this heartache I used to get. WE just need to get on with life.

    The part about loving again the same way.. well sometimes u may be given a chance to love even more and be loved back the same way if not more! Simply, that once that we thought was the best was simply not meant to be, and when we can be convinced that it was not, we will be rewarded with the best there is. :-)

  • At 8/15/2005 9:56 AM, Blogger Eman M said…

    This is really a painful issue.
    Almost everyone has passed by this painful experiment. What is painful in it is that it is never forgotton.
    Yes days pass by and life goes on, but there is always a part in your heart that still remembers it.
    I wished that there is never that "First love" aslan for all the girls and boys as well, not girls only.

  • At 8/15/2005 10:19 AM, Blogger doshar said…

    dalulla and eman; yeah, it is hard, but as dalulla says, it is not always so. i have faith in God that second time arounds can be even better and deeper. nothing is impossible to God.

    It also helps when you see the person differently, know all their bad sides and then whoever comes along next would have some advantage.

    it seems hard, but life does moves on and God can heal all. el hamdo Lillah

  • At 8/15/2005 11:23 AM, Blogger Shirazi said…

    I agree with you and this is what I dont agree with:

    Have a look at this link.

  • At 8/15/2005 5:13 PM, Blogger LouLou said…


    I agree that being disillusioned in your first love is very, very painful. Especially so for women because we tend to be more idealistic & emotional. Growing up I had this ideal that my first love was going to be my last. None of the women in the romances I was reading then had 2 or 3 loves. So when I chose to fall in love I wouldn't give up on it for years because I had it set in my mind that it was my only chance. Couldn't get over it because I didn't really want to.

    Now I worry about my little sister & I wish we were closer so when the time comes I can protect her from what I went through.

    But it's too pessimistic to say that you can never love again. It doesn't have to be that way if you don't let it. Some women do react by going to the other extreme - losing all ideals, giving up.

    Age & experience make your emotions deeper & more mature. You love the person for who they are - not for who you want them to be. Real love is when you see someone's faults & weaknesses & still love them. Puppy love is more about falling in love with the idea of falling in love. This is why getting it wrong is such a blow - because of the loss of your own ideals more than the loss of the person themselves.

    But having your eyes opened is not a bad thing. It teaches you to look deeper, to find substance.And it also teaches you to value the real thing more when you do find it. All that glitters may not be gold but that doesn't mean gold doesn't exist does it?

  • At 8/15/2005 9:01 PM, Blogger Paul said…

    Hmm. Pretty intense. I tend to have a different view. But you write about this powerfully...

  • At 8/15/2005 11:58 PM, Blogger haal said…

    Can't post a comment on the BRainwash post(S). Maybe u need to republish them or it!

  • At 8/16/2005 12:54 AM, Blogger Lasto-adri *Blue* said…

    i agree with you doshar..
    not just for women.. but sometimes for male virgin hearts as well..
    or what you think?!

  • At 8/16/2005 8:43 AM, Blogger doshar said…

    there was something wrong with blogger yesterday, it published it twice, then i tried t delete it and it wouldn't and today it disappeared. will try to re publish them

    lasto adri bardo:
    yes this is true for males too i guess, but i can't tell how it is really like for you guys, so i restricted it to women

  • At 8/16/2005 12:16 PM, Blogger roora said…

    yeah doshar i agree with you
    but actualy in our early teens we may like every while some one , even if we dnt know them ,

    from my point of view first love for virgin hearts happen starting from a certian age and should be in the form f a relation so that it would effect me.

    loving some one and he does not know or he does not will not create much memories for me to make him a shadow in my life .

    some people even argue that second mutual love is stronger than the first mutual love becuase in the second time you are more experienced and more cautious that you wnt get hurt so your choice will be better , not based on emotions only but your brain will work as well.

  • At 8/16/2005 11:36 PM, Blogger Twosret said…

    OUCH this topic hurts beshwish 3alina ya benti :)

  • At 8/18/2005 3:04 AM, Blogger ~Daydreamer~ said…

    A great post Doshar and I think I can really relate to it. I was so in love with my x-fiance but he never deserved my love. I cry for that cos yeah, I still miss and love him.

    But let's hope my knight in shining armor comes in and saves the day soon. I know many girls who have had their hearts broken by love and fell in love later and were so happy they forgot all about the pain and ache of the first love...


  • At 8/18/2005 11:55 AM, Blogger roora said…

    yeah it is ok ya marwa, i believe that the first experience is not the end of the world even if it seems so , but maybe it is for the better , because if people dont have tolerance on each the during engagements , i dont know what they would do during marriage.

    maybe it would of been more painful to be in the same relation

    we all dream of that ISA :)

  • At 8/18/2005 11:58 AM, Blogger roora said…

    dream of the knight y3ni to make it clear , but you know , growing up makes me change the image of the knight,
    he doesnt have to be the tall handsome guy who knows how to say nice speach ,
    but mostly kind,caring and willing to give

  • At 8/18/2005 3:38 PM, Blogger Me said…

    Been trying to write a comment here for quite a while ... no no don't worry nothing wrong with your page .. something wrong with me I guess..kept deleting what I wrote coz I felt it wouldn't get what I want to say through :-D ... anyway all I want to say is I was once very much in love with my ex-fiance...but he wasn't my naseeb ...I think I miss "the way I felt loving him" ...inshAllah Rabena ye3awadni kheir and I find myself in love again .. this time with naseebi....

  • At 8/18/2005 4:16 PM, Blogger roora said…

    yeah me , missing the feeling , this is probably happens when you are over the person , but you experience the emotional emptiness that you once had fullfilled one day

  • At 8/28/2005 4:14 PM, Blogger Rain said…

    I do agree with u, but I have to say sth... the reason behind such emotions is they were the first, and there was no other to compare with..but once they're passed and experience others , u'll have a variety to compare with... that's why it'll never feel the same.
    So, bottomline, I guess imagination and romanticisim play a very big role in making it so special.


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