separation anxiety

Separation anxiety often refers to a psychological condition usually affecting young children. It is characterized by severe anxiety and disturbance at the prospect of separation from someone who cares and loves them, and whom they depend on greatly. This figure is usually the mother, more often than the father. It usually is manifested in the first days of school or day care. Kids usually cry and scream and throw on a tantrum. They are afraid that they would not be ok I guess without their mothers.

This still exists in us as adults as well. It is after all a human emotion that does not just expire. The child inside us does indeed exist, pardon the cliché, and he/she is apparent when you have your favorite ice cream, or when you blush when embarrassed, or when you are playing a game. The child is very subdued though. To different degrees in different people. The most pretentious have it really suppressed, while the easy going down to earth are the most to let it free.

Anyway, the child inside us is a whole other story. Maybe later. The separation anxiety in us, when do we feel it? When we depart from anything/one that has been around us for a long time. I personally get very emotionally attached to people and even things the longer they are around. I still have some of my school stuff till now, and I am currently doing my PhD!! But it is better. Much better. We don’t really cry or throw tantrums anymore do we?

It is most apparent when you are in love or have been in a long term relationship. Some women stay in terrible marriages, because they can’t bear the separation. They don’t know what will tomorrow be like. The familiar is good. We have an Egyptian saying “elly ne3rafo a7san men elly mane3rafoosh” means what we know is better than what we don’t.

I was in a position once where I was in a bad situation and I wasn’t able to get out of it, for the fear of this anxiety. But I was forced out of it actually. And now I thank God I was, I didn’t have the courage to do it myself. And guess what, I realized that life goes on. We don’t need and shouldn’t depend on someone or something else to make us ok. Someone I really loved once told me “separation is the constant of life. Everything in life, either one day you will leave it, or it will leave you. Death sees to that” and she was so right of course. (another example of what she said, she died recently. And so we are separated. And I miss her terribly, and love her, but have to find my strength elsewhere).

So, now I realize that I have to find my solace in my own self and heart, and with my relationship with God. God will never leave. Wherever we go, we can count on Him to be there. And listen.

And we do need people in our lives of course, but our life can’t depend on a one certain person. Only on God. And having faith in that, God will never let you be alone. My best best friend left for Canada a few months ago. And I got a bit worried about that. But I thought, God is here, he will compensate me. And He did. 2 of my best friends now had been estranged from me for years and they both just called out of the blue at about the time she left. And they have been close and supportive. Dalulla if you are reading this, you are one of them.

So, I guess no more separation anxiety I hope. I know life goes on, and if you need someone’s care and support, you know God will never leave you.