Dr. Meanie

Even though I really enjoy teaching, every now and then… it just stops me in my tracks. I guess I have to see it coming, nothing is perfect and everything has its down sides. Ah well, just hope it does not change me too much. And Al ahmdulillah for all the good it does for me. I have to be grateful to God for it, really.


I was just talking to Me a little while ago, and she said she wants to talk about teaching as well. Don't know yet what her topic is exactly, but I do enjoy her comradeship. And would like her input on this. Actually I think several bloggers I know are teachers. Irina for one. Mmm.. who else?

Well my dilemma again…. I feel that I am becoming mean. Really. And I hate it. I do not like being mean to anyone. And I just hate it when one of the girls I teach gives me this look.. as if she hates me. But what can I do?

Sometimes I just have to be mean or firm… or else they just abuse you and literally suck you dry. You start out trying to be nice and understanding, accommodating. The kids today are suffering enough as it is… then sometimes they just get on your nerves and you turn into "Dr. Meanie".

An example:

I teach this section where half of the girls of the second year attend. And every week I find more than half of the other section attending too! It is because they prefer the time this section is taught, in opposition to the other section, which ends at 5 pm. I understand this feeling, but it is too much really. I get an increase of workload by 50%! This is not a section where I just lecture, it is a practical session, where I supervise the work of every girl. So it does make a difference. And the lab becomes so crowded and noisy. Last time, I told them that every person should attend in their own times. So today, faced with the same situation again.. I just sent them out. Even after they literally were begging me to stay. And I said no. I felt really mean. I felt it was for the sake of discipline more than the logistics.

Sorry for the boring details, but it made me feel really bad about myself.
After that, giving them a lecture, I noticed a girl in the second row chatting with her friend. To this girl I simply said: if you want to talk to your friend, then you do not have to attend the lecture. Meanie again. :(

Then I just said to myself: what the hell are you turning into? You are becoming so mean! Why don't you just taneshy! Eh el moshkela. Why have I become one of those teachers that are too strict, ghelsa ya3ny?

This also made me feel like a hypocrite big time.

Remembering my own days in college... I was way worse than them. These girls are angels in comparison to me and my friends. I never talked much in the lectures,...because I simply did not attend most of them! I preferred sitting in the sun with my friends. I also remember the way we used to regard the teachers that were just like I am now... we used to look at them as up tight. And really really not fun people at all.

I never followed all these proper ethics of learning when I was in their place… so what gives me the right to judge them or be strict. Does that make me a hypocrite? I know now that my attitude in college was wrong and disrespectful at best….but that can't mean I can just encourage the same.. just cause I used to do it.

I remember when I used to watch over them when they were in exams…. One girl politely asked me if she can ask her friend about something in the answer of one question. (cheat...but in a nice way I guess). This was not only refused by me… I was genuinely flabbergasted at the request. I felt it was unbelievable what she was asking. Cheat! What! Is she crazy!!!!

Retelling this to a friend of mine later… it was her turn to be shocked, but for other reasons. She was shocked that I denied the girl. " what ? I can not believe you said no to her!" you are one of those really ghelseen teachers walla eh?
You forgot how we used to be ? why are you acting so shocked!!!?

The strange thing was… I was not pretending to be shocked at the cheat request. It was genuine. I guess our view of things change when we are at the opposite end of the situation. And I do think cheating is wrong. And I would not do it now (I hope) if put in the situation. I guess I changed since then. But I guess I have to remember how it was then… to try to understand their point too. Not be so judgmental at least.

Mish 3arfa ba2a. just did not like the feeling of meanness that I imposed today upon myself. Did not like the hypocrisy feeling either. But otherwise they would eat me alive!